We had our ultrasound yesterday and our baby looks awesome!! God was so sweet and gave us a clear view of his head and spine, ruling out any complications that were similiar to AJ. It has taken me some time to post our wonderful news because I haven't been feeling the best today, but this afternoon it occured to me how tired I was, so after dwelling on God's promises and a short nap I felt better. A sense of dread was inching into my soul, the kind that comes with "what ifs". A verse recently jumped out at me from Ephesians 6:16, "In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil" (NLT). Sometimes it takes me a while to slow down enough to listen, to stop and heed the voice leading me. It was clear today when God brought that verse to mind that the more I pursue what is close to God's heart, satan will pursue what is close to mine. His fiery arrows will try to peirce my heart and slow me down with all the possibilities of loss, all the things of this world that could be taken away, but the real truth is that it is only God who gives and takes away (Job 1:21). This is meant as a comfort, that the One who knows me, created me and loves me enough to send his Son to earth to die, is also the One that is in complete control of every single second of my life. I believe that nothing comes into my life that hasn't already passed through His hands. It is also through this perspetive that God spoke another interesting verse to me from the radio, 1 Peter 5:14, "Be well balanced...be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring, seeking someone to seize upon and devour" (AB). That last part sounds pretty scary but the part that caught my eye is at the beginning, Be well balanced...ahhh, yes, I have been sleep deprived and caught up in a whirl wind of activities and commitments lately and where has it left me? Unbalanced and open for attack. Monumental lesson for me!
What I just love, love, love about God is how balanced He is. Everything about Him, from being the One and only God, to being community (i.e. trinity) all at the same time. And through His power, even when I am weakened, the community of people surrounding me with prayer has been the balance needed to fend off all the fiery arrows pointed at this pregnancy. We were warned about the possiblities if we were to get pregnant again, the "what ifs", but thanks be to God for hearing our prayers, yours and mine! I have spent too much time living in fear of the worst, when what I fear isn't even part of His plan right now. Another reminder not to waste my life living in fear, but rather dwelling in joy!
Rejoicing in God's protection,